Sasquatch Log (v. Let’s get political for a second)

Okay guys, I’m pretty proud of you. I’m going to set down my views on how everything turned out in the American elections this week right here, right now, for everyone to see.

Sasquatch Log (v. What time is it?)

So I went out and did myself a bodily disservice at the bar last night. If you’ve seen my liver tell it I’m sorry and I hope it comes home soon. It’s National Day today, which is the Taiwanese founding holiday, so no work. I’ve been sitting around all day pondering where I may possibly have left my phone last night, and how much it’s going to suck to have to find the police dispatch office to see if my cabbie was honest enough to turn it in to the authorities.

I got my health prick last weekend. So I’ll find out on Tuesday if I have the GRID or the AIDS or the Amphetamine abuse problem. I’m pretty sure I’m clean on that last one, but those sorts of things can sneak right up on you if you’re not careful. It was actually relatively pain free this time. I had a competent nurse, so there was no wiggling around, multiple pokes in the dark, or utterances of “oops”.

The election looks like it’s coming along nicely back home. I’m not really worried about it anymore, because I assume that McCain and Palin are actually running for a spot on some kind of supervillain council from all the lies they’re telling and sleazy tactics they’re using.

I do have one question though. I mean, the dude who hacked into Sarah Palin’s email account was apparently arrested recently. And they’re pressing all the charges they possibly can against him. However, how can they do that without admitting that she was using her private email to conduct government business? Which is sort of incredibly against the law? I mean, it’s not killing babies illegal or anything, but it’s totally Watergate style illegal. I mean sweet Buddha in a hedgerow, with the media’s practically erotic fixation on calling things mumbly-gate, how did they miss that one?

I don’t say it often enough, but Taiwan is actually pretty damn awesome. I really like living here. It’s like I’ve moved into the nicest and most laid back neighborhood on the planet. The pay isn’t so great lately, but I know that it’s a ton better than what I’d be making back home and I’m more than solvent enough to keep my expenses in check.

Which is more than I can say for the US government.

Anyway kids, write me and email me and send me pictures and such. When [if] I find my phone I’ll try to do the same for you guys. And I’ve got myself a webcam now so for chrissakes try to shoot me a skype now and then. You know the details. Get on it.

Sasquatch out.

Sasquatch Log (v. Update)

Summer has come and gone my friends, and with the turning of the leaves so to do our hearts and minds turn to…

Well, there aren’t really any leaves turning around here. So that’s not exactly right. What I mean to say is that with the coming of the seasonal devil winds bringing their monsoon-like amounts of rain right into my goddamn weekend off, Taipei is once again in the grip of the rainy season.

But things are a-changin’ around here. My roommate is moving out today, and that means I’ll be spending tonight moving my stuff into my new room. It’ll be weird getting a new guy in here, and with Courtney gone I’ll probably be the only one up at 6am again.

Classes are cooling down for the autumn time, now that our summer rush is over. That means more free time for me. My last big expense for the moment is over, now that I’ve got the new rooming situation sorted, I can start saving up money again. The money I was saving up previously is now mostly sitting in my new computer.

On that note, I’m exploring alternate avenues of employment. While I was out bar-hopping the other night, I met up with a woman who works for a modelling/talent agency, and I’ve signed up to be pimped out for commericals and such that they might need a big goofy white guy for. I’m classically trained (more or less) in that field, so that should provide an interesting diversion.

All in all things are pretty good around here. And if I ever need reminding about how awesome my life is, I only need to look across the street at the guys building the new mid-rise apartment over there. Every day they siphon the water out of the foundations, and much as can be said for boulders and hills up which to push them, every night nature takes its course and we find the situation pretty much unchanged the next day.

Perhaps someday the rains will let up enough for them to start building, but I wouldn’t hold out much hope for it until next summer.

I’ve been monitoring the US elections, and I’m kind of disappointed in what I’m seeing. McCain is telling some pretty big lies and people are eating them right up. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life exiled from my homeland, you guys. Let’s not forget that the red people put us where we are today. Maybe we should give the blue people a chance to pull our asses out of the fire again, yeah?

I’m still here and still alive though. So any of you who might’ve heard different spread the word okay?

And hey, leave a light on for me, okay?

Sasquatch out.

Sasquatch Log (v. Hulk Smash)

Okay, so the new incredible hulk movie is actually pretty good. I’ve heard someone describe it as “similar to the Iron Man movie, in that there is a long segment of fairly decent acting sandwiched between bits of giant monsters beating the everloving shit out of each other”.

If you’re one of the poor suckers who had the misfortune of watching that awful disaster of a movie that came out a few years back, have no fear this time around. I’m here to tell you that they actually got things right this time around.

Things they did right

1. This Hulk completely ignores the first Hulk movie. It tells the entire origin story of the Hulk during the opening credits. It’s simple and awesome.

2. There are numerous references to the Marvel universe. If you know the way of things you might catch more than a few name drops and references to Hulk villains (and allies).

3. This movie plays into the Iron Man movie, and into the upcoming Captain America and Avengers movies.

4. Edward Norton, in much the same way as Robert Downey Jr., plays a mean Bruce Banner. He fits the role really well.

Unfortunately, there are a few things that they do wrong.

1. General Ross is a poor casting choice, but that’s because they cast the best possible person in the last one and then Ang Lee went and fucked it all up.

2. Betty Ross is a horse-faced abomination with all the charm and acting skill of construction site port-o-john on a hot day. When she started slobbering romantically all over Ed Norton, I was wondering what sin he must have committed in a past life to have to put up with it. Again, the made a better casting choice for the last movie, but since they’re trying to pretend it never happened those actors were off-limits.

3. The Hulk never really gets any lines. I wish that directors would go ahead and read a Hulk comic sometime. The Hulk is a one talkative guy. “Hulk Smash” this and “Hulk is the strongest” that. And who can forget the classic “Hulk Straight!” from Ultimates v1. Seriously though, give the guy some lines. He has a very few in the movie, but they’re definitely memorable. It couldn’t hurt to add some more.

Anyway, my recommendation is to go see the movie in theaters, because it just won’t be as much fun if you watch it at home.

Keep on truckin’ true believers, Sasquatch out.

Sasquatch Log (v. Fuck these guys)

So they’ve decided to drill a hole to the center of the earth right outside my window again. Which is great for me because it means a 7:30 wake-up call every goddamn day for the rest of the conceivable future of the planet.

Now let me explain something to you. They’re drilling. Now, I live in an apartment. There are many things in my apartment. There are tile floors, concrete walls, refrigerators, couches, video games. Nothing in my apartment could possibly warrant the kind of drilling that they’re doing. They’ve been drilling now for two motherfucking days straight, from 8:00-6:00 with about a thrity-minute lunch break.

I don’t mean that there’s a lot of drilling going on. I mean that the drill is constantly on for a good nine and a half hours a day. In the hands of anyone with even the most basic of early elementary school training under their belt, the kind of jackhammer/drill/pile driver/motorcycle/jet engine that they’re using should be roughly capable of destroying every single wall in the apartment below us in that time period.

This leads me to believe that the alleyway behind my house is filled with greasy-faced monkey fucking primitives with a savage understanding of our modern world who, through some cruel twist of cosmic fate, have found a cache of abandoned power tools, and are now engaging in strange eldritch rituals to revere them as gods.

I mean seriously, what requires fifteen hours of jackhammering? My apartment’s not that fucking big. Unless this monkey fucking cabbage is just holding the thing in the air and hooting like a mentally unstable lowland gorilla at the noises he’s making, it’s just fucking inexcusable.

I’m about five seconds away from walking down there, taking the damn jackhammer and just destroying the place. I could be done before I have to leave for work, for Christ’s sake. It would take exponentially less time for me to destroy the entire floor below me than for these encephalopathic dirt eaters to do whatever “repair” they’re doing.

Nothing has ever pissed me off quite so much as being woken up consistently hours before I need to be by completely unnecessary, asinine, incompetent construction work.

This is really making me consider moving out in August, since they do this kind of thing every few months fo reasons that remain a fucking mystery to everyone.

I’m too angry to even sign off.

Sasquatch Log (v.Oh God The Heat)

Well, the heat is officially unbearable. It’s like regularly over 30 degrees again. (That’s Celsius for you folks back home, so get your calculators) I’m getting a new summer schedule. Which means more hours, more money, and less free time. I’m still trying to find some time to schedule a trip back to the states, but with oil prices being what they are I don’t know if it’s in the cards any time soon.

I miss everyone back home, and I wish I could have brought you all along with me. Taipei is a great place to be right now. Our economy is booming while yours is falling down around your ears. Jobs are plentiful for foreign teachers, and things are generally going just fine.

I really recommend Skype to everyone. Skype is a free voip program, which means that we can talk for free even though we’re on different continents. It’d be nice to hear some voices from back home now and again.

We had a 6.1 earthquake here the other night. Fortunately we were playing mario kart, so we barely noticed. It was about 20-30 km north of the northernmost part of Taipei, and about 90km underground, so it wasn’t all that bad. There were a few seconds where it felt like we might be in trouble, but it ended up subsiding pretty quickly. We also got our first typhoon-related soaking of the season the other day, which I was far more affected by and far less amused with.

I’m DMing a Dungeons and Dragons campaign here in Taiwan, and it’s going surprisingly well, all things considered. So that’s pretty cool, if you’re part of the specific subset of people reading this who remembers the various exploits of the little brigade of pen and paper mass murderers we used to have.
I was giving some thought to what I’m going to do with myself when I finally make it back into the states. And considering the direction your political bruhaha is going in, you might just need me to take up the mantle of state senator or something to set the country right.

So you heard it hear first, folks. Forget the first black president. You’re looking at the first Sasquatch to run for president.

Vote Sasquatch in ’24

Sasquatch Log (v. Iron Man)

Iron Man. Go see it. The fact that you’re still reading this sentence means that you have not, in fact, gone to see Iron Man fast enough. Get your keys, get into your car, and find a movie theater.

Iron man is, bar none, the best superhero movie to come out in the past 10 years. It’s better than the original spider-man movie, it’s right up there with Batman Begins. Let this be a lesson to everyone who is even considering adapting a comic book to the big screen. Comic book characters are just that, characters. The lion’s share of the work should be done before you even start filming.

For those of you unaware of who Iron Man is, he’s an alcoholic, billionaire, playboy hedonist with more money than God, who builds a suit of metal armor so he can go kick people’s asses in his spare time. Now, the casting director had two choices for that role, he could either cast Robert Downey Jr. or he could make the wrong decision. Fortunately, he made the right one.

Downey Jr. carries the movie on his back like some kind of alcoholic Christ figure slogging up the muddy hillside of a Golgotha of awesomeness. Every comic book movie is primarily based around things blowing up, people getting punched, and people getting punched into an explosion. And all of those delightful elements show up in Iron Man, to be sure. However, thanks to a leading man who can actually act, and no thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow’s bubbly bobbleheaded bullshit, even the scenes that don’t involve explosions are pretty genuinely good.

So yeah, go see it, and make sure to

STAY AFTER THE CREDITS ARE OVER JUST

TRUST ME IT IS AWESOME

Anyway, that’s what I did with my Saturday night. My roommate is heading back to Canada in a few days, so we went out today to get some western-style munchies. Roast beef, pig knuckles, sauerkraut, lamb chops, brownies, ice cream, sushi and a ton of other stuff. It was the best feed I’ve had in a while.

Another boring week of work looms ahead of me this week, standard TOEFL classes, group classes, kids classes, etc.

We’ve got a paintball trip upcoming for David’s teachers. So I’ll get to go drinking for an afternoon and shoot a bunch of my coworkers on Sunday. That should be fun. Other than that things should be settling down into a groove again. Which is good, because I’m definitely feeling groovy.

I’ll keep you posted, true believers, feel free to write in and share your own opinions. My comment box is always open.